Even with blessing and favor from the Lord, we found ourselves struggling to adjust to the changes.
Coming to Kingsburg and leaving my life behind in southern California meant adjustments in all major areas—marriage, family, and friendships.
When the Chocolate Swan Melts
Faithfully blending two lives isn’t all free dessert and beachfront dates.
With Don leaving for the ranch at 5:30 in the morning and coming home at 5:30 at night, I suffered loneliness and feelings of isolation. Don had been widowed for twelve years, so adjustments for him were different. He was not accustomed to thinking of anyone else’s schedules, desires, or needs. I could see he was also having a difficult time getting his boots back into the marriage stirrups!
I remember my dismay one evening after spending hours preparing dinner on a cold, wintery night.
I was so excited for him to get home from the ranch, shower, and relax before dinner so we could talk about our day. Don came home, went into the bedroom to change—and came out an hour later.
Dinner was well past done. I tried to conceal my disappointment as I served it. But when I sat down to pray with him, I was shocked to see his plate already clean! He had eaten the entire meal before I could sit down! I ran into the bedroom, crying.
I was displaced! I was discouraged! I wanted to go home!
I missed the people I had formed treasured friendships with over the previous forty years. We had babies together, raised our children together, helped at church together, and attended Bible studies together. I made the intentional decision to stay in touch with them, letting them know how important they were to me, no matter how often we saw each other.
I missed the clean air and ocean breezes and having my windows open every night without fear of bugs. It took me a while to get used to closed windows and doors to keep out the dust while keeping my fly swatter handy!
But more than anything, I missed hearing my name.
There wasn’t anywhere I could go in Newport Beach without seeing people who knew my name. No one but my family knew me in Kingsburg, although I loved hearing “Mom” and “Aunt Jo.”
All of my underpinnings were gone, except Him. I knew only God could have taken me away from Orange County. I knew I was where He wanted me to be; nonetheless, it was difficult. I struggled with “fitting in” and finding my niche.
Rediscovering the One Foundation
APRIL 26, 2008
“I’m learning when God call us, it’s not always easy to know how to respond. He has to equip us. One of the most difficult challenges of my new life here is the quiet, the isolation, the loneliness of not being around people, the withdrawal, as noted in today’s devotion.
‘Times of withdrawal for rest and learning always precede fresh work for My Kingdom. Be Still. Learn of Me.’
I need to remember, this is from God, a time SET APART to BE with Him alone, to LEAN on Him alone, and LEARN of Him more.”
Believe me, there were many days I wanted to turn around and run home. I wanted to give up when I didn’t want to face my weak self. I was so homesick. I missed my family, my friends, my home church, my grocery stores, and the Newport Beach Library! God had called me, this I knew. He had called for my total surrender before He gave me a new life. I could not dig up in doubt that which He had given me in faith.
There was no going back. There was nowhere to run. Kingsburg was now my home. Happily ever after doesn’t always mean easily ever after! My surrender to Him required my persevering obedience to Him. “Do whatever you need to do, Jo, but don’t give up! You are not a quitter!”
I raised my arms to Heaven and said, “Yes!” and “Thank you, Lord!”
“Oh, Lord! You know my sadness, my feelings of isolation and loneliness, and my desire for friendship these past three years. I offer it all to you. Take me, make me, break me, mold me, as You are doing. I offer up to you my brokenness, my failures, my weaknesses, my unworthiness.
Use me as You see fit.
Transform my life dramatically in this my new life with Don, for ALL our children and ALL our grandchildren! I PRAY for the courage to give You my heart. Please, I beg You, mold it after Your own!”
Thy Will Be Done
I could no longer afford to look back; I needed to keep going forward, pressing on, one step at a time. I would be about His Kingdom business. I promised God I would not look into the rearview mirror, but face and embrace His will for me:
- In my circumstances (my new home in Kingsburg)
- In my relationships (my husband, family, and friends)
- In my thinking (my plans and my potential taking root)
- In my commitments (to my husband, family, and friends)
- In my actions (how I live)
- In my beliefs (how I worship)
Don and I applied all we were learning on our journey into the blending of our two families.
In time, with God’s help, patience, and guidance, we completed the crossing of the Jordan River, setting our feet once again on solid ground, standing firmly on His faithfulness and blessings.
God gives us blessings for His purposes and His calling. We knew He wanted us to pass on these blessings to do His Kingdom work, to be alert and prepared to help others, to heal and serve others.
