I’d see friends of hers who would ask how I was; I would see my aunts and uncles and they’d ask how I was; but all I wanted to do was talk about my mother.
I wanted to talk about her with friends and family who loved her and had watched her grow up. I wanted to hear stories I had never heard before—what she was like as a young girl, before she married and had my brother and me.
She was only forty-six years old when she died.
At nineteen, I was so busy sharing my life concerns with her that I didn’t leave time or space to know her.
I was breaking away from her “apron strings,” trying to discover who I was on my own. I wasn’t even sure if she knew the Lord. How could I never have talked with her about her faith? Oh, how I hope she is praying for me and waiting for me in Heaven!
If you are struggling with similar thoughts today, I encourage you with His Word:
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you,
for My strength is made perfect in weakness’” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“And in the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Romans 8:26
An Unforeseen Shift
I certainly did not make a conscious decision in the years that followed to move away from the Lord, but the day came where I realized… I had moved far away from a spiritual life.
I no longer went to church, because I was so tired on the weekends.
I had no car or friends to attend with me.
Looking back, I didn’t even have any believing friends, and it didn’t even occur to me to notice.
I was spiritually adrift—and spiritual drifting colors all of our choices. I realized I had lost my way, the way of God’s Truth, my True North. I was truly living life without a compass. But my experience is not abnormal.
“When the morning comes on the farthest hill,
I will sing His Name, I will praise Him still,
When the trials come and my heart is filled
with the wave of doubt, I will praise Him still.
For the Lord our God, He is strong to save
from the arms of death, from the deepest grave.
And He gave His Son in His perfect Will,
And by His good grace I will praise Him still.”—Fernando Ortega
The Hound of Heaven
As I wrote this, I met a young woman who had been traveling for two years to learn English and learn about the world.
She was in her final few months of touring the United States, doing short stays with families here and there while working for her keep. Her family wanted her to come home and even told her she was being selfish to pursue these dreams. She was trying to find out who she was, so she could be a whole person when she settled down to marry and raise a family.
She had always said that age twenty-eight was her limit to be married, and here she was—twenty-eight and still looking. She would love a great guy but she feared they were all taken!
After listening to her story, I simply looked at her and smiled. “You’re searching, and God’s calling,” I said. “He is the Hound of Heaven, and He will chase you down the labyrinthine halls to bring you home to Him. We have a hole in our heart that can only be filled by Him.”
She began to softly cry as the Holy Spirit touched her.
After several minutes, she confessed, “Yes, I think it’s time to go home. It’s time to stop wandering. And I will pray and ask God to give me faith.”
A Rescue for the Lost
Have you ever found yourself without a compass to find your True North, feeling life was sweeping you along on a path you couldn’t leave, one you hadn’t even chosen?
What led to your wanderings?
Was it loss, loneliness, isolation, pain, disappointment, hurt?
Was it discontent, discouragement, a longing for adventure, or searching for you know not what?
Then examine how God was before you and beside you, even when you were not aware of Him, how He guided you and held you in the palm of His hand. What Spiritual Markers did He place in your life to show you the way?
Even in my own spiritual drifting, God didn’t change.
I was in a desert like Hagar, watched by the same God – “El Roi, The God-Who-Sees-Me” (Genesis 16:13). There are no circumstances in our lives that escape His fatherly awareness and care.
“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”—Isaiah 58:11
