Look in the mirror. What do you see?
Look past the tired eyes, increasing wrinkles, insecurities, fears, doubt, and self-effacement.
What do your friends see?
To our friends, our faces are the beautiful faces of friendship.
That face is painted with strokes of continued love, respect, loyalty, honesty, sacrifice, and devotion, mingled with bright colors of joy, laughter, celebration, silliness, and pure fun—all covered with a wash of God’s blessings. For friends, indeed, are God’s blessings in our lives.
We are wired for intimacy (and not just the kind between a husband and wife) because it reflects the intimacy God has with us and within the trinity.
Our friends reflect who we are, including shared values and the willingness to hold each other accountable as we grow in the Lord daily.
A Good Friend Is…
Over the years I’ve discovered a list of attributes all of my lifelong friends share. As you grow in your friendships, look for these:
- Good friends provide safety
“Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?”—CS Lewis
Being with true friends gives us a safe place to express our emotions, knowing they will listen with love, understanding, and empathy. They also help us grow and mature, giving us the room to discover who we are, and supporting us in our tender, hurtful spots.
- Good friends bring richness and fullness to marriage and to motherhood.
“When the evening sky is painted crimson by the setting sun, and the birds all cease to twitter, knowing the day is done—it is then we like to ponder, and forgetting wordly strife, realize that love and friendship are the greatest blessings in life.”—Anonymous
Our families will always be our heart priorities, but an isolated marriage or parent will soon become an unhealthy one.
Trusted friends who love you and your family are a joy to spend time together with. Double dates, playdates, affirmation and even commiseration, ( “I’m feeling that parenting fear too” or “I’ve also had that marital conversation!”) all help to establish our relational roots and avoid ingrown emotions that otherwise may never see the light of community.
- Good Friends are Encouragers
“Each word or thought of yours can be like a pearl that you drop into the secret place of another’s heart, and in some hour of need, lo! the recipient finds the treasure and realizes for the first time it’s value.”—Sarah Young, God Calling, January 7
True friends will walk with us through the adventure of our calling—helping us discover our gifts and passions.
I think of all the shared experiences through celebration—the beautiful weddings and baby showers, graduation celebrations, weddings, births, birthdays, and holiday celebrations. I also think of “celebrations of the heart,” little milestones shared only with those you love, as well as shared difficulties.
- Good Friends Support
“Some friends come into our lives for a while and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are changed forever.”—Anonymous
As we journey through life, may we remember those who have supported us spiritually, emotionally, even physically in trying and sorrowful hours.
Who has walked with you through the “aches” of motherhood? Through the mourning and loss of a parent, spouse, or child? Through rebuilding your life after the storm of divorce? Through the retooling of your life after you have lost everything? Who has walked with you through a long illness or a desert journey?
These people never leave us even when space or time gets in the way because they have left their imprints on our hearts.
- Good Friends Sometimes Arrive Unexpectedly
“We have room in our lives for several friends. One friend does not take the place of another…each one offers something very, very special!”—Betty Johnson
Friends come in all shapes and sizes—and often in places we never expect!
We’ll be disappointed if we try to label or characterize who we think should be our friends. More importantly, God has sent them to us so they can receive what He wants us to give. If we turn away, He will find someone else to fill the void.
So, I begin my day with, “Lord, I’m going to ‘suit up and show up’ and you send me the people you want to cross my path. I’ll know they’re from You!” You’ll never have a dull day, believe me!
- Good Friends are Trustworthy and Uplifting
We do need discernment in our choice of friends. In the process of gathering friends with the same interests, common goals, and shared experiences, there may come a time of letting go.
Back-biting, gossip, and slander are not only destructive and degrading, but they also reflect back upon us. The person we’re sharing with knows we will talk the same way about him or her when he or she is not in our presence.
Without trust in our friendships, we are unable to truly share our deeper selves. Besides, it is morally degrading to ourselves and to our relationship with the Lord. (Now I’ll get off my soapbox, but see Proverbs 16:28, 17:9, 17:17, 18:24, 27:6, & 27:10.)
- Good Friends Advise and Sharpen us
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”—Proverbs 27:17
Often God will send someone we need in our lives to shake us up or strengthen us for God’s refinement and purpose.
God placed women in my path when I was a younger mother and felt as though I was running 120 mph. These wise women slowed me down long enough to evaluate what was important, rather than urgent.
As You Journey On..
Recalling the names of your friends from early childhood onward, I hope you see the steady stream of friends God has so lovingly sprinkled along your path, bringing a richness, flavor, and support to help with navigating your stones in the river.
There have been times I’ve prayed for friends when I was lonely or isolated. There have been answers when God sent angels in the form of friends to minister to me in my grief.
No matter where we gather as friends, the important thing to realize is that life is a journey, with heartache, pain, laughter, and joy. Our stories intertwine, joining us together forever. The beauty of time is that it never stands still.
No matter where we are on this line of continuum from here to eternity, there are wonderful experiences waiting ahead for us.
